50 things I learned as a Broadway Intern

1) Don’t be a fangirl/boy ever, even if your movie-star wet dream walks through the door…keep it together.

2) Photocopy and staple like the wind.

3) Don’t take anything personally.

4) Be a pretentious ass sometimes.

5) Keep all the cups from all the free broadway musicals you were able to attend through office perks.

6) Don’t drink at said musicals, there’s always someone watching.

7) Don’t tell famous actors you meet backstage you totally saw them trip in that scene as a way to be on their level, you’re not.

8) You will address rooms full of beautiful men in lycra.

9) You will clean bathrooms.

10) Be an actor, they use you for cool things like play readings and industry stuff.

11) Be a good actor.

12) Keep everything you hear at major casting offices to yourself, they will blacklist you if you blab.

13) Never be yourself, ever.

14) Agent’s assistants can be MUCH scarier than the agents themselves.

15) Be spiderman quick.

16) Don’t make small talk with any visiting head honchos, just do what they say.

17) There is a showbiz mafia, it’s real.

18) Don’t wear anything low cut ladies or gents.

19) The other interns won’t like you initially.Then they will and it’ll feel s’good.

20) The receptionist is queen/king.

21) Don’t ask famous actors for their measurements. You should know that.

22) Child actors are mini adult mutants.

23) Don’t have a coughing fit if you’re an audition reader.

24) Water pitchers must always be filled.

25) Don’t break any bones while working there.

26) Don’t sleep with the actors, especially if they’re both in plays at the same major theatre company…never mind do it.

27) Do your research, you never know who’s legendary company you will be in.

28) The industry is all smoke and mirrors.

29) Know how to set up a camera and monitor.

30) Don’t get drunk at any industry events.

31) You will take a million food and/or coffee orders.

32) It’s rare you’ll get a thank you, but when you do it’s glorious.

33) You will have an intimate relationship with every actor’s headshot in New York.

34) You will know the words to every broadway musical ever.

35) Don’t cry.

36) You will hole punch your life away.

37) You will know a play so well you can play every character…twice.

38) Listen, then knock.

39) Don’t try to be anyone’s friend, do your job well and earn respect.

40) Be a psychic.

41) Always be early for work.

42) Actor’s have egos, be ready to stroke them or shut up.

43) You might walk in on a celebrity in their underwear.

44) You will witness at least one diva meltdown.

45) Off-Off Broadway is like whoa.

46) Prepare to be exhausted.

47) Sometimes your boss(es) are the most authentic, awesome people (mine were) but you must earn the ability to see that.

48) Bring them alcohol as an office gift.

49) Clear your search history at the end of everyday.

50) It’s an experience, so take it all in and make sure they never forget you.

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